parallelism
by premeditated
Summary: You're too alike, you know. Far too much for your own good. But hey, won't that help out the rest of us in the end? That's what you wanted, right?


_i._

The setting sun streamed through the window along a flat plain. It weighed on his chest as he breathed, filling his lungs with the golden taste of its most conspicuous rays. He frowned, his eyes closed.

"Hey, L-elf…what do you think love is?"

He didn't even bother to open his eyes as the question drifted down from the top bunk. "A myth that keeps foolish idealists awake at night."

Haruto's laughter made him crack one eye open ever so slightly, his frown deepening.

"Ah, come on," he chided, his smile slipping into his voice, "even you've got to love someone."

L-elf scowled at the bottom of the younger boy's mattress. Dust swirled past him in patternless chaos as a heavy silence stretched out between them.

"It's something that you take away from people."

More silence. Then the creak of wood and metal as Haruto shifted above him, presumably starting to lean his head over the side of his bunk. "Hey, that's not—"

"It isn't a happy thing." His voice cut through the air, leaving stillness in its wake. "It gets ripped from you without your consent, and if you don't find someone else's to replace it with then you're left with nothing."

A long pause met his words, during which time the last of the sunlight disappeared behind the distant horizon. Eventually, he heard the telltale rustle of Haruto settling back into his bed, and his eyes fluttered closed once again. He couldn't see the other's face, of course, but he pictured easily enough the way it would be troubled, his brow furrowed and eyes wide open as he worked out some semblance of a response—

"Go to sleep, Tokishima Haruto."

"But—" He moved again, until L-elf was sure that he really had leaned over to probe him with a pleading blue gaze even without opening his own eyes. "—you don't really believe that, do you? All that stuff was wrong."

L-elf smiled slightly, but other than that remained perfectly still. He said nothing more.

After a while, Haruto lay back in his bunk, and L-elf began to drift off. A small sigh escaped the brunette's lips as he whispered, "Yeah. I thought so."

_ii._

Moonlight spilled onto a tangled mess of sheets and bare limbs in the bottom bunk. It charged the scene with a silvery glow that made the shadows seem darker and breathed life into a moment that should have been totally still, save for the ragged expansion of his chest and the quieter, shaking breaths of the boy curled up beside him. His eyes ached.

His neck burned where he could still feel a hungry pair of lips devouring him to leave their mark, and his chest and his wrists and his thighs until his whole being buzzed with a dull energy that was not his own and nearly made him gag. His breaths had to be dragged from his lungs, and even then they felt unclean.

He turned his head to the side, tracing the curve of Haruto's trembling shoulder with his eyes. After a moment, he reached out as if to take his hand, but Haruto flinched away, drawing himself inward and gripping a handful of sheets so hard his knuckles turned white.

L-elf paused, his hand still hovering in the air. His stomach churned despite his strongest wishes, and he exhaled deeply in an attempt to steady his breathing.

"That wasn't you."

The words just made Haruto tense up even more. L-elf turned his gaze upwards until it was stopped by the top bunk as he continued. "It's pointless to damage your psyche further by attempting to—"

He cut himself off and turned back to Haruto sharply, frowning in surprise. The other boy had taken his hand, so gently he almost hadn't noticed, and shifted to face him so that his head now rested on L-elf's shoulder.

His heart gave a painful lurch. Haruto's eyes, which were intense enough normally, now shone with a clarity so soft and bright that it made L-elf wonder if every shade of blue he'd ever seen before had been half as real as this. Tears that turned silver as they caught the moonlight spilled down his cheeks as he whispered in a breaking voice, "Is this what love is?"

A beat of silence passed before L-elf had to turn his gaze away again. The silvery glow had faded from their surroundings, and he was no longer sure what he was staring at. He waited.

Haruto's breathing deepened eventually, and that's when he moved his arm to wrap it lightly around the younger boy's waist. His chin rested on the top of his head, but even as he held him this close he couldn't bring himself to look down at the boy who was emptied by his own love, who was forced by a monster to take and take and take from others when all he wanted to do was create, and so he let his own eyes close.

A flash of pink danced behind his eyelids, and he smiled slightly at the hollow nature of his chest.

_It can't be. You don't split love in halves._

_iii._

The light from the rising sun bathed the room in a soft but achingly familiar rosy hue, and he paused for a moment to appreciate the irony. They were in the top bunk this time, because that's where they'd chosen to be. The sheets soaked up the gentle pink light, as did their shoulders and cheeks, until it all glowed with a welcoming haze.

Haruto's head rested on his bare chest as L-elf drew lazy circles on the brunette's back and pressed his lips to his damp forehead. Haruto sighed, his toes curling under the sheets.

"I told you, you were wrong."

L-elf arched an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Hm?"

Haruto smiled against his skin. "If you take it, then someone else has to give it to you. Otherwise it isn't really love."

"Ah, still caught up on that, I see," L-elf hummed, the corners of his mouth twitching upward slightly. "My first theory stands, then."

"Maybe." Haruto propped himself up on his elbows so that he could look him directly in the eyes. "But the giving comes first. You choose who gets it."

"Tch. You're hopeless."

Haruto laughed as he settled back down, sending flutters of warmth through L-elf's chest. "So are you."

He clasped Haruto's hand in his own, leaning his head on the other's as he turned to gaze out the window. The sun was still attached to the horizon by the faintest of slivers, and even though he wasn't smiling, his eyes seemed to soften as they followed its curve.

"Mm. So I am."


End file.
